Saturday morning I woke up at almost 3 and I couldn’t go back to sleep because my back hurt no matter what position I tried sleeping in. The past few months I have been trying to maintain a posture that is at least functional and also trying to improve it. When I removed it from my main focus at the end of August it started sliding. It fell too far.
I did not panic. I knew that the narrative collapsing is not my life collapsing. It just meant back to one day at a time. When the sun came up I went on with my life. I was excited for the day and looked forward to going to a vegan food market. When I was home again that afternoon I took a nap. And woke up 5 hours later still dressed. Then I stood up and went through my normal bedtime routine.
The narrative was totally dead. I knew that I had to change in a major way. Probably sit a lot less and a lot of physio. I could not finish matric, read books and blog sitting down. Maybe a standing desk? Or voice dictation for the blogging? I did not know.
My foundations were incomplete and I knew that they might not be strong enough to build on. I had hoped to shore them up while also building higher, but that had not worked. So collapse, and then start from the beginning. Resisting it would not make it better. We need a strong body, or at least not a weak one, to focus on higher things, like mathematics or blogging.
The week before last I didn’t have a book review. Last week I also did not have a book review. The pace has become unsustainable.I do not get to reading a book every week and writing a book review on it. I am choosing other things that feel more important above reading. I’m now officially ending my commitment to have a book review out every Thursday.