Another narrative fails

Saturday morning I woke up at almost 3 and I couldn’t go back to sleep because my back hurt no matter what position I tried sleeping in. The past few months I have been trying to maintain a posture that is at least functional and also trying to improve it. When I removed it from my main focus at the end of August it started sliding. It fell too far.

I did not panic. I knew that the narrative collapsing is not my lifeĀ collapsing. It just meant back to one day at a time. When the sun came up I went on with my life. I was excited for the day and looked forward to going to a vegan food market. When I was home again that afternoon I took a nap. And woke up 5 hours later still dressed. Then I stood up and went through my normal bedtime routine.

The narrative was totally dead. I knew that I had to change in a major way. Probably sit a lot less and a lot of physio. I could not finish matric, read books and blog sitting down. Maybe a standing desk? Or voice dictation for the blogging? I did not know.

My foundations were incomplete and I knew that they might not be strong enough to build on. I had hoped to shore them up while also building higher, but that had not worked. So collapse, and then start from the beginning. Resisting it would not make it better. We need a strong body, or at least not a weak one, to focus on higher things, like mathematics or blogging.

The week before last I didn’t have a book review. Last week I also did not have a book review. The pace has become unsustainable.I do not get to reading a book every week and writing a book review on it. I am choosing other things that feel more important above reading. I’m now officially ending my commitment to have a book review out every Thursday.



One thought on “Another narrative fails

  1. Hi Josh,

    This Bongi, we met on the train yesterday afternoon, been browsing through your material and my say I find it honest and brilliant that you express yourself well.
    I say keep it up and had a great conversation with you. you have inspired me to be nicer to people around as live you, they can probably add value to your life even if it something as simple as a smile. Be you hammie, all will go well, that aspiration to write something of substance to help others is a good thing. That made me ask myself the age old question of “What have you done today to contribute to society?”, my answer was “not much as late” but I figure I justify it with saying, fuck it what did they do for me.
    Anyway i shall subscribe to your page and follow you along your journey.
    Have a good one boet.
    I like it when I meet pure heart’d individuals such as yourself they restore my faith in humanity.

    Kind Regards
    Bishop B Gains


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