I intended to iterate in 3-day cycles until I found a relationship that served me more with food. What I have found is that my eating was out of kilter because my life was out of kilter. It was partly a way to self-sabotage. It is unlikely that you will be very productive or break bad habits if you are feeling sluggish and off from eating wrong. As well as not believing in my daily actions I was not believing in myself.

In part, I stopped trusting my voice in fear that I was wrong. General fear and uncertainty about the future and my ability to pull it off was fuel to the fire. Movies also became really boring. At some point, you just change out of frustration and resolve to attempt it, even though you might fail.

Through this, I wrote down some of my thoughts and analyzed them. I was blown away by how many beliefs I had circulating. No wonder some of them were conflicting and ground me to a stop. I used a lens that sees beliefs as assumptions about reality that pruned possible options to eliminate probable dead ends and allowed you to focus. Putting them on paper I saw that some were very flimsy. Working with assumptions that had little evidence to support them wasn’t very intelligent.

I questioned some and discarded others. Reducing them to thinking and mere interpretations allowed me to stop seeing them as cold facts of the world. It’s hard to fight reality. Interpretations can be changed, adapted or re-created.

Food was directly coupled to the rest of my life. I no longer needed to stop myself from myself. I need less to desperately distract myself from a world that seemed too terrible to face. I partially stopped delaying what was inevitable to me. I was willing to explore once again. So I did things that made eating a side-show. I brought back more authority to my choices and compassion for myself. I created the mental distance that allowed me to feel an impulse and not immediate react to it.

What did I eat during this wallowing? Too much bread with peanut butter and coconut oil. Sometimes cheese. Broccoli or rice with way too much mayonnaise. Pasta. Meat that did not seem genuinely appetising and left guilt. Generally too much, so that I was sometimes over-full. Sometimes I would eat when I wasn’t really hungry but just seeking something to do. If there was chocolate or sweets around it would have been gone. There wasn’t so yeah choice architecture!

To happiness, and beyond!


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