Sink or swim

Writing from a prompt at dailypost.

I lay on my bed. This is so stupid. I want to live my own life, not someone else’s. I know that I am going against everything that society tells people to do. I know that what I am about to do could destroy my life. But staying would be worse. I start humming some random tune for myself. I realize that I don’t care. For some reason, my fear evaporates and I feel very calm. Even if the worst happens I’ll still learn a lot from it. But I won’t stay in school.

I stand up and walk to the dining room. I speak with my parents and tell them that I will not go back to school after these exams. I  won’t follow a homeschooling curriculum either. As I expected they try to intimidate me by telling me they will throw me out. I say: “Fine, I’ll go pack my bag.”

As I walk towards my room and start packing they follow and after a bit of loud talking and such say that they’ll allow me to stay. I bid them good night and go back to sleep.

Only afterward did I realize that it was unlikely that they really would throw me out into the cold to sleep in the street. They are my parents, and they really do love me. Threatening to throw me out was merely a bluff, and when I called them on it, they folded.

The thing is I don’t think I would have been able to do it if I wasn’t prepared for and ready for the worst case scenario. But as often happens, the worst-case scenario did not happen. And I wasn’t going to go to school anymore. From that day, the worst part has been that I know I’m not coming back, but I still have to go to school to write exams for two more weeks.

Not living your life according to fear is exhilarating and liberating. I’m never going back.

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