Day 94 – A whole new me

This is the first update in a long time. Two months back, I was depressed, sad and lonely. Now I happy, optimistic and lonely. I am free; I act and feel free. I have let go of a lot of negative emotions and patterns of behavior. During the day I take walks and do Parkour anytime I feel like it. Most of the day is spent watching Ted talks or reading. I feel as if my knowledge and comprehension of the whole world is increasing at a faster rate than it would at school.

Yes, I still think about school. Every few days I re-evaluate whether it was a good idea for me to leave school. Every time I find a good reason to continue and feel reassured. I might have the courage of my convictions, but I still question them frequently. Confirmation bias allows me to discredit opposing statements, but I do notice them.

Regarding my consciously created habits I have had a lot of success. I have a 14 day streak for walking outside, a 22 day streak for meditating for a minimum of 2 minutes daily and I recently broke my streak of doing head-posture-correcting exercises, but had a 17 day streak before that. The reason? I went for a sleepover at my best friend and it just slipped my mind when the reminders I set rang at inopportune moments.

I accepted that it might happen. My focus was on meditating. Since I started my streak has been continuous and I plan to stop only once I reach 100 days. I committed to doing this habit for so long to prevent me from continuously shifting focus and losing momentum. Some previous habits I did only for two or three weeks before trying to do something else.

People: no luck so far. I really do not know what do to next to increase the amount of deeply satisfying connections in my life. The type of people I am looking for seems to be so rare that by just trying to meet arbitrary new people would yield no results, even after years of effort. In some way connections will have to find me. This blog is not really doing anything, I barely have one view daily. Until I find a new strategy to pursue, or motivation to spend more effort on the existing ones, I stay lonely.

To happiness, and beyond!

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